she drowns

Now I lie awake and scream in a zero gravity 

And it's starting to weigh down on me. 

Let's abort this mission now 

Can I please come down?

I wonder how it all got started, this scenario
about seeing your life flash before your eyes
while you drown, as if panic, or the act of submergence,
could startle time into such compression, crushing
decades in the vice of your desperate, final seconds.

After falling off a steamship or being swept away
in a rush of floodwaters, wouldn't you hope
for a more leisurely review, an invisible hand
turning the pages of an album of photographs-
you up on a pony or blowing out candles in a conic hat.

How about a short animated film, a slide presentation?
Your life expressed in an essay, or in one model photograph?
Wouldn't any form be better than this sudden flash?
Your whole existence going off in your face
in an eyebrow-singeing explosion of biography-
nothing like the three large volumes you envisioned.

Survivors would have us believe in a brilliance
here, some bolt of truth forking across the water,
an ultimate Light before all the lights go out,
dawning on you with all its megalithic tonnage.
But if something does flash before your eyes
as you go under, it will probably be a fish,

a quick blur of curved silver darting away,
having nothing to do with your life or your death.
The tide will take you, or the lake will accept it all
as you sink toward the weedy disarray of the bottom,
leaving behind what you have already forgotten,
the surface, now overrun with the high travel of clouds. 

drive by

someone once said,' dont listen to what others comment, you dont feed on their comments to live. dont rely on others to live, stand on your two feet , it doesnt matter if you're alone, you're strong enough.' this saying was from someone whom used to be really important.

how often do you find someone you makes you genuinely happy? how often can you find someone who is able to share with you about just anything at all in this world? or every time you think you have found this someone who could be your everything, something just has to happen?

at the age of 20, yes, i have a lot more to explore and experience. what for should i sit down here moaning and blogging about some teenage problems when i can be out there enjoying the time of my life worrying about nothing but my studies to accomplish? well, honestly life isnt that easy to not care about anything. many times i've choose to ignore all the problems, but problems will still come finding you at your door step and they never leave. for this, my patient tolerance has been tested.

well, i'm  not sure if i should share what happened on this blog. but theres one thing for sure that i have to learn is that, sometimes we cant blame on others for not being able to bring us the happiness we want. but very often we humans blame on our partners, best friends, parents,etc. for not giving us what we expect and want. cause its our own responsibility to find out the life we want to pursue, not for others to pursue it for you.

just a question i've been wondering for sometime. how long can one person stay in your life before you get tired of them? are there any ways to avoid from getting tired of each other?


having the best relationship with your family is basically all you can ask for. but having the best relationship with your partner anyone can ever imagine is just a plus point.


what the F am im saying here. lol.
kbyenight.

Astronaut

it's been months since i've blogged. thanks to instagram, i've been posting pictures in there, non-stop i tell you. anyways, im in my new semester now. year 2 baby! cant believe im finishing in another 1.5 years time and i'll be a degree grad.

on the very first day of class, nishie sent me a text. so touching can! make me wanna cry. miss her so much now. we used to stay up late in campus , rushing for assignments, having our own karaoke and camwhore session ),: 

2 freaking long months of holiday, everyone balik to their own kampung respectively. was pretty lonely in KL ),: well, now all of them are back. but even then, now every one is busy with our assignments, gym, etc. not much time for each other already. 

this is before our presentation. 

all of us wore white (:

during lecture (:

i think ive improve on the way i wear to uin these days. lol

we're awesome like that! 

and then, its grannys birthday. (,:

happy birthday super gran! 

it wasnt a big scale birthday for her, but she enjoyed i suppose. lol all her old friends came by too. 

some random things for granny, from her cucu cicit. <3 

this pictures is not related to any occations. erm i just love this heels so much. it's like a dream come true. lol so cheap somemore. 

now, this boy is making my house his second house now. 7 days a week, 4 days in harmony's house. lol. sometimes i even wonder how and why can i even meet someone like him. sohai can die. 

bits and pieces (: 

k bye.

i'm just so damn lazy to type any longer. 

random fact: im trying to lose weight so desperately, but im eating more than i move. harmony is obese !

a little here and there

wow, i havent blogged in months. i've attempted to blog since god knows when. lol actually its since i got my iphone and i post most of my pictures in instagram, i've neglected this blog ): 

anyways,

here's some summery of what happened in tha past 2 mothts (:

chinese new year with the college mates. going house to house to gamble and collect angpao. 

and then we all sent nishie off to Tasmania to furthur her studies.

i think she's doing fine there, i mean shes experiencing alot of new things there. erm, for instance, she didnt know she could cook so well. went for grocery shopping etc etc.

anyways, she'll back back this december. ):

sigh, still so long more. 

cannot go hangout late at night with her for so long already.

and then, i went clubbing with mawjia and his friends,

L-R : mawjia, me, yi jzen, oliver

i really did not want to go on that day, cos we had some mahjong session in my house, and i just only had my period, lol. so i was pretty reluctant to go. but who knows, i enjoyed! i went back early though. didnt want to stay out so late (: 

just days after was valentines day. 

i had made some wishes, cant really remember all of them now. haha. so long ago already.

this thing is called 'kong ming deng' 

i dont know what is it called in english.

hotel party with the cousins. 

it was random to have hotel party, but mother thought it would bring us closer if all the cousins stayed together and berbond. lol.

L-R : celine, me, annjee.

xoxo, till then.
im super bored. but dont feel like blogging. kbye

PERSISTENT

i dont know what hit me, but, give me 3 MONTHS, to be 50 % of all these bodies. lol

this is like a motivation for myself to get my ass to the gym and really do some major work out. harmony must not give excuses anymore!!!

i just want 50 % of all these bodies, lol not asking for too much. 

drools! 

take me down slowly.

what i want: 

dont stop just yet. 

i'll be fine when you're gone,

just let me hang in a little while longer.

while you're here.

what i feel:

im not worth it.

who are you to say those words.

conclusion: 

gtfo. -.-

no sore loser

when pulling back feelings is not even an option.

it was only a game in the beginning. 

rules, terms and condition applied. 

both sides agreed. 

but when one of them took it seriously and loses the game at every move made. 

never be a sore loser.

since you've agreed to the terms and condition. 

the risk you thought you were able to handle, but failed to do so.

dont blame others for your wrong moves.

all this while, it was only a friendly match.